What happens when younger generations grow up separated from their elders? Through their support work with young parents, the authors explore the loneliness and isolation experienced when whānau support systems are absent — and what it costs us all.
Zoe Witika-Hawke
Chief Executive
Lizzie Strickett
Systems Advocacy Advisor
The Cost of Independence
Research validates traditional knowledge: when grandparents remain actively involved, children flourish. New Zealand studies show tamariki with meaningful relationships to “special adults” beyond parents demonstrate improved self-regulation and stronger coping skills. These benefits flow bidirectionally — kaumātua report enhanced mental health and purpose.
However, kōhanga reo educators across Auckland report strain from absent elders. Many kuia and koroua remain in paid work into their seventies due to rising living costs, unable to engage meaningfully with mokopuna. “The idea of being able to spend time with their mokopuna has become a privilege, when it is a right.”
The authors highlight concrete examples: young mothers forced from family homes due to housing policies, lacking essential daily guidance that elders traditionally provided.
What the Numbers Say
Projections indicate the 65+ population will double within 25 years; for Māori, this occurs by 2029. Home ownership among older New Zealanders is declining sharply.
However, policy frameworks emphasising “elderly independence” misunderstand Māori values. “For many Māori, independence isn’t the goal; interdependence is.” Collective wellbeing through relationship, not isolation, reflects cultural priorities. Current models treat aging and early childhood development as separate issues, missing their interconnection.
Solutions: Papakāinga and Housing Innovation
Ngāti Pāoa’s papakāinga at Ōmaru (Point England) demonstrates practical healing. This development, part of their iwi settlement, will house four hectares for whānau and marae spaces, enabling intergenerational connection on ancestral land.
For broader communities, alternatives exist: co-housing, multigenerational units, and granny flats. Yet Auckland’s zoning restrictions, consent costs, and developer models prioritising standalone homes create barriers. Recent government moves enabling granny flats represent progress, though a comprehensive vision shift remains necessary.
Toward Interdependence
When young families receive village support, they access cultural connection and belonging. Designing the next century requires considering both young whānau and kuia/koroua simultaneously. Housing, policy, and planning must reflect intergenerational values, treating such arrangements as priority rather than exception.
The flourishing of future generations depends on how societies care for whānau across all life stages.